Undone

I'm finding myself in a place where I know only God can heal me, but I wonder how He will do it, and how long before He will do it.

This morning, the abundant life team on campus posed these three questions in reference to John and Stasi Eldredge's book, Captivating:

Why are women so tired?

Who taught me to be a woman?

and

What is my passion? (What makes you angry and what do you do about it?)


The group went around the room and shared their ideas, and the overarching idea of rest and work floated up to the surface.

I felt so sad because I couldn't articulate who taught me to be a woman (probably because I do not have enough time in my day to talk about the different influential women in life). I feel sad because only a select few understand my passion, and everyone else looks at me in a strange way. I am starting to feel life on the fringes, and today was my first realization of this.

I know I still need to be shown what it means to be a woman, but I find myself surrounded by men - all day long. Maybe they are supposed to show me? :)

I come up with all of these solution-related thoughts -
- Read scripture - to the EXTREME. (i.e. Read the entire Bible in one month - yeah right!)
- Get a closer with my group of girlfriends. (When?!)
- Start an LTG.
- Find a spiritual director.
- Get counseling.
- Build and present a mission statement to articulate my job.
- Quit my job and take up crochet and cooking. (Ha.)
- Plant a garden.
- Clean the house so it is crazy, godly clean.
- Get an extra hour of sleep at night.
- Run two miles every day.
- Buy new shoes and get an iPod. Maybe this will drown out the construction noise?

Well, here goes another day full of questions.